Category Archives: Blog

At the junction of Nicki Minaj, worker’s rights, and crazy ants

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Roscoe says: introspective hibernation...meow meow.

Roscoe says: introspective hibernation…meow meow.

As 2013 winds down to a close, I start in on the introspective hibernation period that naturally precedes any opportunity for “reboot”.  I’ve been thinking a lot about the choices that got me through this past year, and what I need to be conscious of as I move into 2014, because as the saying goes, “doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results is the definition of insanity.”

I want to take a moment to fully admit that this introspection is the luxury of being in fortunate circumstances.  Startup life is startup life, and in no way am I suggesting that I am living in poverty, or that there are life or death choices for me.  However, it is fool to assume that people do not have to face quality-of-life issues at all levels of income, so this is just me trying to balance what I need for the short term vs. what I need for the long term.

Here are 3 pages that I landed on yesterday that seem to all come together to tell me what I should be thinking about in 2014.

1.  Nicki Minaj

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qmj5uVbM-RA

I’m fairly sure that I don’t agree with a lot of things that Nicki Minaj stands for.  But I came across this video through a series of circuitous clicks in my Facebook feed yesterday that really challenges my “don’t rock the boat” and my “accept and make-do” attitude.  If I don’t start standing up for myself and what I want, then what I get is pickle juice.  Check this quote out at 0:53.

“I put quality in what I do. I spend time and I spend energy and I spend effort and I spend everything I have, every fiber of my being, to give people quality… So if I turn up to a photo shoot and you got a $50 clothes budget and some sliced pickles on a motherfuckin’ board, you know what? No. I am gonna leave. Is that wrong? Wanting more for myself? Wanting people to treat me with respect? You know what? Next time, they know better. But had I accepted the pickle juice, I would be drinking pickle juice right now.”

2.  Zero opportunity employers

I have spent a lot of 2013 getting paid in promises and hopes.  And that is well and good, because to some extent, I accept that the connections I have made this year and the things that I have learned and the products that I have created have intrinsic value.  I also understand that I am in a situation where I can afford to take promises as payment, and that is luxury.  However, by accepting that I can be paid in promises at this time, am I implicitly agreeing that opportunity is only for the wealthy and fortunate?  Am I supporting further employment injustice for all?

Again through circuitous Facebook clicks, I came across an opinion piece by Al Jazeera’s Sarah Kendzior  called “Zero opportunity employers,” whose words hit really really close to home, even as she was talking about people in completely different circumstances:

During the recession, American companies found an effective new way to boost profits. It was called “not paying people”. “Not paying people” tends to be justified in two ways: a fake crisis (“Unfortunately, we can’t afford to pay you at this time…”) or a false promise (“Working for nearly nothing now will get you a good job later”).

Maybe in startup life, these crises are not fake, and these promises are not false. Lucky me, I am fortunate enough to be supported by family so that I can pursue these dreams.  But it really highlights the fact that bootstrapping is noble for the rich and idealistic, and opportunity is nearly impossible for the poor and independent.

And then there’s this, more words about not asking for enough for myself:

Teaching, nursing, social work, childcare and other “pink collar” professions do not pay poorly because, as Slate’s Hanna Rosin argues, women “flock to less prestigious jobs”, but because jobs are considered less prestigious when they are worked by women. The jobs are not worth less – but the people who work them are supposed to be.

Although zero opportunity employers disproportionately hurt women and minorities, everyone suffers in an economy that does not value workers.

I do not want to be one that contributes to the suffering.  Yet, I see no clear end to this inequity that I am perpetuating while waiting for promises to become fulfilled.

3.  Crazy ants

This is by far the scariest and craziest story that I came upon yesterday, the hopeless plight of the Texans (and now other Southern states) against the Rasberry crazy ants that are plaguing the area.  Piles and piles and piles of ants take over an area, drawn to sources of electricity, climbing over the dead bodies of other ants as a bridge over poison and traps that have been set up to take them out.  I have never felt more afraid or helpless against something that isn’t directly affecting me…but could…one day…when these ants take over the world.

The whole piece is worth-reading, even for the bug phobic, and as I said to a friend on Facebook yesterday, this all seems like a microcosm of what is going on in our entire country, nay, the world at the present.  How do we stop the massive undulating mess that we are all creating out of our inaction?

…what upsets us is “their pullulating squirming, their cohesion into a homogeneous teeming mass” and their “interminable, directionless sprouting and breeding.” That is, it’s the quantity of crazy ants that’s so destabilizing. As the American psychologist James Hillman argued, an endless swarm of bugs flattens your perception of yourself as precious and meaningful. It instantly reduces your individual consciousness to a “merely numerical or statistical level.”

This is what’s soul-crushing about crazy ants: What wafts off them is the same faintly nihilistic feeling that comes the moment you realize hammering the pound sign won’t connect you with a human being and only funnels you back to the same automated instructions.

2014.  More standing up for myself and others.  Less acceptance of status quo.  More action.  Less inaction.  And fewer ants.  MUCH FEWER ANTS.

Danger Ahead: Monday, sans To-Do List

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My warm view of this Mucky Monday.

Mucky Monday

It is already past noon as I am sitting here and writing this.  I have already ventured out into the first mucky snow of the season, gone to a doctor’s appointment, actually asked all the questions that I had for the doctor, and refilled prescriptions.  I have already returned home, researched and planned posts for EdTech Times, and edited articles that are pending.  And now I am just munching chips and homemade nacho dip, and considering all my options.  This is not as liberating as it sounds.

At some point, I had made the conscious decision to venture into this week with a burgeoning amount of tasks in my mind, and without a to-do list for the very first day.

WHY FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DID I THINK THAT WAS A GOOD IDEA?

I have never really been good at the to-do list.  On paper, it always turned into a list of lofty aspirational goals that I had for the day, rather than a reasonable number of actionable items that would set me up for continued productivity.  Every day, I would cross out one thing, and add 5 things, none of which were reasonable to complete in a day or two.

These days, I have turned to Asana to organize my life, and while I am *completely evangelical* about the institutional knowledge that it preserves for small organizations with large turnover, it has turned my life into a disjointed mess of lists that occasionally nag at me through reminders or the bright red “90 notifications” that highlights the corner of my Asana app.  What does one do with 90 notifications??  I’ll tell you:  you skip past the app and tell yourself, “I’ll check it later”.

So these chips are serving as the unhealthy catharsis for the paralyzing decisions I have to make about logistics, tasks, and deadlines for this week, which include such crazy questions as:

  • Do I haul bushels of oranges all around town today while I use my car?  Will my sewing machine fit in with all those oranges?  What if I need more oranges?  (Long story about oranges short: I am the preventer of scurvy among all my office workspaces, and at the same time, a supporter of my high school music program.  Expect oranges in December, those who work with me.)
  • Can I really sew 50 stuffed apples before Thursday?  If so, do I bring my sewing to the office, or leave the sewing at home and sew like an elf in my free stolen evening minutes?  Does the sewing count as tangible work, and is it career-advancing?
  • What DO I know about the Common Core?  And can I articulate that by the end of next week in a post that is sure to get good traction and seem insightful and intelligent?
  • Do I leave my car at home tomorrow, or do I brave Cambridge parking and also pay another $20 to drive it to work?  If I take the car tomorrow, can I bring oranges then?
  • Oh hell, it’s almost 2014 and I have invoices to write so that I can get paid.  Should I do that here?  Should I go to the office?
  • Macarons!  Don’t forget to bring the macarons!  And the banana pudding!  Someone should eat that banana pudding.  It better not be me.
    Macaron Madness

    Macarons, with foie gras buttercream, currently going to waste in my fridge.

    Banana pudding.

    Leftover banana pudding that made an appearance at the holiday party just as people were overly full.

How does one even put that into a to-do list??  This doesn’t even include the personal tasks like gift shopping and Christmas card writing and those friends who I agreed to get a drink with, but didn’t write it down in a calendar, so now I look like the ass who’s avoiding everyone.  Actually, I MAY be avoiding everyone on purpose.

This was a bad way to start a Monday.

What about you?  To-do or not to-do?

performance anxiety

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Church of the Advent, Boston. Photo courtesy of Facebook (Nicholas White)

Church of the Advent, Boston. Photo courtesy of Facebook (Nicholas White)

The original goal was one post a week until the new year.  But this week, it’s been hard to carve out a few minutes to throw down a post…yet I have had so much to say.  It could be because I have been busy with projects and deadlines that fell on this week, but truthfully, this post and my entire week boils down to one thing:  performance anxiety.

  • I have been re-doing the bulletin boards at a middle school this week, in preparation for their site inspection.  This has taken me countless hours, because I feel responsible for boosting their visual culture at the school, and because frankly, that’s what I’m hired to do.  In this role, my creativity and resourcefulness is on full-display, and I worry about making AWESOME boards to make the case for hiring me clearly apparent.  I don’t want anyone to think:  “well, I could have done better than that with that amount of time and money.”

    IMG_5883

    Reading DOES rock. Also these books open up on the board, with descriptions inside. With more time, I wish I could have added a cutout for every book on the board.

  • Because of these bulletin boards, I haven’t been able to put in my best work at the other two places I work regularly at, therefore, I am imagining my co-workers thinking:  “well, we could have written and researched these things better.”
  • My choir, The Boston Cecilia, has a concert this week, and I’ve been site and social media manager for the 2013 season.  So “performances” scheduled for this week include a host of blog posts, Facebook posts, and emails, all of which I have not kept up with to my personal standards.  All of these are public-facing tasks, and I definitely wouldn’t want anyone to think:  “well, I could have done better than that to promote and publicize these concerts.”
  • In addition to the social promotion pieces, I have a small solo in the 2nd piece of the concert.  Eeeeeeee.  Small, as in, it is approximately 8 bars of music sung.  Yet, it is colossally large to me, because I am starting the entire piece, unaccompanied, therefore I “set” the tempo and feel for the entire piece.  It is glorious and extremely scary to fill a gigantic chapel with only my voice, and on top of performing my best for myself and for the group, I feel like I need to put forth my best sound in order to earn the solo, in a way, so that I and others will not think: “well, I don’t know why SHE got that part, because I certainly could have done it better.”

(Choir solos and auditions are the weirdest expression of ego and humility — offering your voice to the conductor for consideration, and struggling with the duality of portraying yourself as both a show-off and a team player at the same time.  Not my comfort zone.  Definitely something I will dig into more deeply in a different post.)

I know.  I should care less about what others think of me.  Isn’t that what we tell all of our middle-schoolers?  But we live in an inherently public world, and my reputation for these too-many things that I am capable of is truly important to me.  I want to be the person who will come through when people need me, and this week, I am suffering from performance anxiety about being able to live up to all these things that I want to accomplish.  I can only hope that I will be present in the moment tonight to enjoy my solo and concert and put forth my best intentions in my music, but there is a small chance that part of my brain will be planning for our holiday party tomorrow, worrying about our guests who might think: “well, this party is just kinda boring and the food is meh and the house is super trashy.”

I wish I had a muzzle for my brain.

The power of the red lip

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This morning, I was going to write a post about why Katy Perry’s Roar is the worst thing to happen to women’s empowerment music.  But then I caught wind of the American Music Awards (see the post from Hannah at Afternoon Snooze Button if you missed it or don’t understand)…and I’ll have to save the Katy Perry critique for a different day…because apparently Roar is not the worst thing to happen to Katy Perry as of late.

So instead, I will regale you with my lesson on the power of the red lip.

The Red Lip

The Red Lip, refreshed after 12 hours of wear.

The task was simple:  go to Sephora and exchange a foundation.  That is not as simple a task as it sounds…because Sephora is like an amusement park.  Go at the wrong time, and dodge the throngs of people having a screamingly good time.  But go in the morning, and it’s like having the amusement park all to yourself…

So, having quickly located what I needed, I thought to myself, why not take a look around?  And right in front of me was MUFE’s Aqua Rouge, which promised “a smudge-proof result that will not transfer or fade.”  Oooh!  Shiny!

I’m not sure why it didn’t occur to me that the product was equally “smudge-proof” if you do not apply it perfectly and need to make corrections.  I found myself in front of a magnifying mirror with smudge-proof lip color awkwardly stippled across my lips, clown-mouthed as if I never learned to color properly in elementary school.  I may or may not have looked something like this:

Airplane2-1024x575

from the movie, Airplane, which most of my current co-workers have never even heard of.

So after trying to fix it (oh no now it’s on my fingers too), and then trying to blot it (pluh pluh tissues taste terrible) then trying some alcohol (ow! tastes like burning!) then hiding my face while I slinked towards the normally-fun Fresh Sugar Lip Polish and then combined with makeup remover, I finally looked more like I had enthusiastically devoured a cherry popsicle.

Fortunately, Alexandra at Sephora this morning was in a great and helpful mood, and didn’t look at me (too) sideways when I asked if she could show me how to do a red lip.  God (and everyone else) knows I needed the lesson, and besides, I needed to look like I could show up at work.  So one lesson, one lipstick and one lip liner later, I was able to leave Sephora and move on with my day.  (You win my wallet for today, Sephora.)

Once I got to work, one of my male coworkers said, completely serious, “hey, you look nice today.  Why are you dressed up?  What’s the occasion?”  I look at my outfit, and I had thrown on a long sleeve ratty tee underneath a short sleeve henley tee, with afterthought dirty jeans and a pair of sneakers.

Wait.

All this money that I spend on clothing, and all I needed was a fantastic red lipstick and a lip liner?

Or is it because my standards of dress are so low that a smack of lipstick creates a whole new effect?

This reminds me of the time when my friend Jabali, who sometimes made ties out of paper when he forgot to bring his, described my work clothes as “chillin'”.  Yeah, I had to bump up the wardrobe budget after that insightful gem.

I’m going to blissfully assume that it’s the former and not the latter.

And quietly go back to stepping up my wardrobe game.

No American Psycho Typo

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business cards

mini cards from moo.com – mine all mine

My “business cards” have come in!   Thanks to the flexibility of the design tools and the clarity of the proofs and layout at moo.com, I was able to incorporate a bunch of my favorite images that will hopefully cover any situation where I find myself needing a card.  (I am really excited about moo right now.  Not to mention that I like the word “moo” in general.)

A bit about each image (L to R, top to bottom).  All images are taken by me, except where noted:

  • A portion of a knit lace shawl that I made for donation to a silent auction – I love the vibrant color (Malabrigo Lace weight in Cactus Flower) and pattern (Mystery Stole 3- Swan Lake)
  • A summerweight quilt I made.  Pattern: Paintbox Quilts from Oh, Fransson.
  • A picture of Copley Square in March, just before it begins to come alive with summer warmth.
  • A knit cuff bracelet that I made for a co-worker, without any particular pattern.
  • My first attempt at a picturesque ramen bowl.
  • A piece of a photo from our wedding pics taken by Enna Grazier (with the two of us artfully cut out) taken at the MIT sailing pavilion with their colorful set of team racing FJs.  (Also, #13 is my number.  It was my major at MIT, and has come up in a surprising number of lucky situations.)
  • My Moo (Muppy, Riley-cat) “helping” me finish my Simple Knitted Bodice sweater.
  • The “back” of my card – the picture from the “front” of my site – a photograph of my porch in the middle of my picture frame to planter project (which currently has to be rebuilt for sturdiness.  Damn you Pinterest.)
  • A photo of a vinyl wall installation that I did in my office space – this represents the old EdTech Market Map by New Schools Venture Fund.  Not shockingly, since the edtech space is changing so quickly, it’s now a bit out of date.
  • A photo that Ben took of an interesting tree in Taipei.  I was standing next to him.  Maybe that counts as taking the picture.
  • A picture of a drawing of a still life in an art class I took at the BCAE this summer.  I am apparently better at drawing folds in paper than I am at drawing still shapes.  Also, people see this pic and say, “you’re talented!”  The truth I learned from the class this summer is that with about 2+ hours for a drawing and an artist next to you helping you correct where you’re not seeing things correctly, almost ANYONE can learn to draw a few things.  Drawing is all just interpreting perception.  (whoa, deep thoughts tangent.)
  • The empty stage at MIT’s Kresge Auditorium right before a MITSPO rehearsal.  I’ve played with MITSPO for about 12 years now.

Can’t wait until I have a chance to get one of these in your hands.  That being said, if you’re already here on the site…you might not need one of these.  Ah, the contradictions in the art of networking.

(Re: title…what typo, you’re asking??  Oh, just this one.  NBD.  AAAHHH!!  Freak out and kill!)

© 2013 Sheri Ann Cheng, sherianncheng.com.

Profession, Identity, and Authenticity

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"SQUIRREL!" Photo: Disney/Pixar

“SQUIRREL!” Photo: Disney/Pixar

Three words that define the new millenials‘ dilemma.

(Disclosure: I’m technically in the GenX/Y overlap, but I guess I’m introspectively immature, so I identify with millenial issues from time to time.)

I decided to call my blog “Squirrel!” because the most difficult task of my professionally ambiguous period of my life has been to answer the question “well, what do you WANT to do?”  I’ve been asked that by nearly every former, current, and prospective employer, as well as well-meaning friends and family.

I never had an answer to this question growing up.  In 4th grade I wrote that I was going to be a professional pianist…knowing full well that that was NOT what I wanted to do but it was what everyone expected me to write.  Also, the boy I liked wrote “professional baseball player” so I figured you were just supposed to write what it was that you did outside school and add the word “professional” to it.

I seem to be perpetually stuck in an environment where people are defined by their profession.  You meet people at a networking event and they inevitably ask you “oh, what do you do?” and you are forced to construct a persona that will either portray you as “of power” (oh I’m starting a company…I’m CEO/President/Minister of Magic at this new venure…) or “looking” (oh I just graduated with my MBA/grad degree…intern…getting into edtech…) or worse yet “ambiguous” (consultant…advisor…mentor…).

My identity is all of these things and at the same time, none of these things.  My profession does not define me that well.  I was never “just a teacher” (whatever that means) – I was everything that I could bring to my classroom.  I also don’t need my profession to encompass all the things that ARE me.  Maybe one day I will stumble into an opportunity where I can be my most authentic self while doing my job, but as of now, there is no job I can imagine where I would get to (or need to) do everything that I like all at once.

Just yesterday, I told a friend that I had considered calling my blog “Okay to Squirrel!” because I can’t focus on just one thing, and that was a pretty good way to describe what I might be writing about in the blogosphere.  Then he asked, “but are you really ‘okay to squirrel’?”  A fair question, considering that I have been fighting to focus for so long now, and really struggle with this lack of focus – implying that no, I’m not really ok to “Squirrel!”.

If authenticity is what I strive for, then I guess I need to be ok to squirrel.  This does not mean that my profession is “Squirrel!” (because there are DEFINITELY family members who would NOT find that to be ok) but it means that I am consciously going to strive to build my identity on elements that are way more than what my profession is.

Or, according to my 4th grade self, I’m a “professional” unfocused mashup of creative, strategy, and execution.

The story of my life is under construction

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Image

In Taipei, they wear regular hats at the construction sites, but these signs are for real. Photo courtesy Omer Simkha, Wikimedia Commons.

I knew that finding a theme and a background image would be the hardest part of getting myself set up over here in blogland, but there is SO MUCH MORE TO DO.  Of course, this means that I will do the type-A thing and make lists.  (In reality, I’m more a type-B+)

Things that have happened:

  • Theme & background image – the picture is from my succulent “garden” from a picture frame.  The frame was great…the succulents needed Ben’s love/inattention to make them grow.
  • A name for my blog, thanks to Business Dog.
  • Placeholders for all the info pages about me.  I wish I could randomize them in some way, but maybe when this proof-of-concept stage is over, I will feel OK about investing in tools that will let me do that.
  • Porting of old posts from Tumblr.

Still to-do:

  • Filling more of the placeholders with cool info pages
  • A more blog-like blog instead of 3 articles and a lot of lists and weird things.
  • Fixing the images that ported over from Tumblr.
  • Decide whether old LiveJournal baggage comes with me or gets archived in my past.
  • Importing my ETT articles as cross-posts tagged ETT. EDIT: Done! Much easier than thought. Now to generate more blog content than ETT content.

The more that things change, the more they are the same.  Wise words from Rush.  (And Bon Jovi.  And Cinderella.  And other people that Google now tells me about.  Bless you, Google.)

Election ugliness: a politics ostrich and (social) media

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110511_Election

This post on a friend’s Facebook wall really hit me in the gut.  It was an instant call to a bevy of emotions that I have been feeling about this election season and why I worry about the state of the world beyond the election of a single man at the helm of our country.  Why is it inevitable that politics devolve into an ugly chorus?  Where is the beauty of the democracy that we were taught in our elementary school classes?

I used to be an adamant politics “ostrich”, preferring to stick my head way in the sand rather than picking a side in each election’s inevitable ugliness.  I’ve actually uttered the words “I’m not really into the politics thing” and meant it.

Before bashing this Facebook friend, his words, or his method of delivery, I had to check myself:

  • We are not close friends, nor have we ever been.  We have not had remotely similar experiences in our life beyond our high school days.  It has been a long time since we exchanged words in person, possibly long before we were ever out of high school.
  • I have learned more about viewpoints that are dissimilar to mine, in a way that would not be possible without the advent of social media.  I have been forced to examine a few issues and either re-form my opinions and or re-confirm my beliefs.
  • I don’t believe for one minute that my friend is ignorant, radical, or redneck.  I also don’t believe that he is troll-baiting either, but one never knows about that until you engage.
  • I have not “unfriended” him because I have been honestly interested in understanding how other people might view the world, and I also have a healthy worry about “filter bubbles” that present us with information that only strengthens the reality that we believe in.  (See Eli Pariser’s TED talk on filter bubbles:  http://www.ted.com/talks/eli_pariser_beware_online_filter_bubbles.html).

However, this post really got me.  It hasn’t left my head since he posted it on Saturday.  Why do these specific words speak louder than the din of ugly election advertisement? 

It boils down to one big thing: Respect for others’ personal choices.  You know, come Wednesday (maybe) when all the dust has settled and things have been decided, the country has spoken, and under the system in this “beautiful” democracy of imperfect (wo)men, there will have been a decision that many have made based on some subset of personal values.  Why should I feel guilty for choosing what I believe is right for me and MY future children and grandchildren?

I have navigated this election by speaking about my priorities.  And if my priorities cause others to shift their priorities and change their mind, well, that’s cool.  And I listen to other people’s priorities.  And if that causes me to change my mind, that’s cool too.

I have never told anyone that their priorities are stupid.  And I feel like this post hit right at that nerve.  It has put a dent in the smooth stream of informed discourse that I have come to expect from him, and has forever changed how I will read his world.

Tomorrow, I will vote for President Barack Obama.  I will vote for Elizabeth Warren in MA.  My priorities are to protect my body, my interests, and to preserve the hope that a “post-racial” America might exist. Those are my priorities, and they don’t have to be yours.  You can vote for whoever you want to based on your own priorities, and I will not tell you that they are stupid.  I will continue to try to see the world through your eyes as long as you don’t tell me that I can’t see it through my eyes.

Also, most of us will survive 4 years of whatever happens.  To those who may not, think about them, and see where they fall in the scope of your priorities.

One last political plug:  this “beautiful” democracy can’t happen if you don’t vote.  Even if you think your vote doesn’t matter, a non-vote is deference to someone else’s personal choices.  I think back to 2000, when my friend from Miami-Dade County did NOT send his absentee ballot back because he didn’t think it would matter.  Please vote mindfully tomorrow – and respect others’ personal choices.

P.S.  I am not perfect about respecting others – no one is.  But I’d like to think that I try, and that I welcome people to challenge my assumptions.